Little Johnny's mother decided to tell him all about making babies, so she had "the talk" with him. Afterwards Little Johnny just sat there silently for awhile.

"Do you understand?" his mother asked.

"Yes," replied Little Johnny.

"Do you have any questions?" asked his Mother.

"Yes, how about little kittens and puppies?" asked Little Johnny.

"In exactly the same way as with babies", answered his Mom.

"Wow!" Little Johnny exclaimed. "My daddy will screw ANYTHING!"




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Sure you can trust the government! Just ask banana growers!

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Stephen's Snaps
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This week Bouganvillia photos.

Simply nice photos, Landscape, Seascape, Underwater, The Northern Beaches Sydney.

There is a teacher teaching sex ed to a bunch of 5th graders. She walks to the chalk board and raws a huge penis on the board!

She turns to the class and simply asked the class, "Class, does and one know what that is?"

The class sits silently for a second or two than little johnny stands from the back!

He yells, "I know what that is! It's a PENIS! I know cause my dad's got two!"

"The small one he pee's from, the big one he brushs the babysitters teeth with!"



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Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?

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Stephen's Snaps
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This week Bouganvillia photos.

Simply nice photos, Landscape, Seascape, Underwater, The Northern Beaches Sydney.

Updated regularly.

Little Johnny comes home from school and his mum asks how his day was. He replies, "I had sex with my teacher today."

"Oh my god! You get to  your room! Wait till your father comes home!!!", says his mum.

Awhile later the father comes home and the mum says, "Go up to Johnny's room and talk to him. He's been really bad today."

Dad goes up to the son's room and asks why mom is so mad.

"I told her I had sex with my teacher today," replied Johnny.

"Alright! That's my boy!", says Dad. "Ya know son, women just don't think like men. But I'm proud of you. What are you now, about thirteen, right? Wow. That's my son! Ya know what? I'm so proud of you I'm gonna take you out and buy you that new shiny bike you've been wanting!"

So the dad and Johnny go out and buy the nicest, reddest, shiniest bike in the whole town. "You gonna ride it home son?"  asks Dad.

Johnny replied, "Nah, my ass is still sore."


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Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

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Stephen's Snaps
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This week more Jacaranda photos.

Simply nice photos, Landscape, Seascape, Underwater, The Northern Beaches Sydney.

Updated regularly.

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"

Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."


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" Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. -Billy Crystal "

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Stephen's Snaps
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This week more Jacaranda photos.

Simply nice photos, Landscape, Seascape, Underwater, The Northern Beaches Sydney.

Updated regularly.

A shapely lady in a bikini walked into the ocean to take a swim. A large wave came up and washed over her, tearing off her bikini top.

She came out of the surf with her arms foded across her chest.

Lil' Johnny, playing in the sand looked up at her and said, "Lady, if you're going to drown those puppies, I'll take the one with the brown nose.

A primary school teacher in the Bronx decided to see how many of the city kids knew what sounds farm animals made. She asked the kids to put their hands up if they knew the correct sound. "Who knows what sound a cow makes?" she asked.

Mary put her hand up and said "Moooo!"

"Very good" replied the teacher, "what sound do sheep make?"

"Baaaa" answered Billy.

She continued this for a while.

Then she asked "What sound does a pig make?"

All the hands in the class went up. She was surprised at the response. She chose Little Johnny at the back of the class.

He stood up, took a deep breath, and  screamed, "Up against the wall mutha-fucka!!"

Little Johnny was sitting in the courtyard turning a bottle of liquid back and forth, watching the bubbles.

The Priest walked up and asked him what he was doing?

Little Johnny replied, "I'm looking at the most powerful liquid in the world."

The Priest said, "But Johnny, Holy Water is the most powerful liquid in the world.  Did you know that if you put Holy Water on a pregnant woman's belly, she will pass a boy!"

Little Johnny said, "Big deal!  This is turpentine.  If you put this on a cat's ass, he'll pass a Harley Davidson..."

Little Johnny's mother was pregnant. Since he was a child and know nothing about sex education he asked to his mother "Mom, what's in your stomach? It used to be flat and now it's getting bigger and bigger."

"Well son, in here is your brother, and soon he wiill come out." answered the mother. Little Johnny nodded.

A while later, his mother bent over to pick up something, and as we know, she didn't wear any panties at all. Little Johnny saw it and yelled "Mom.. mom.. my brother's head is coming out. Look, I can see his hair!"



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If you drink don't park, accidents cause people.

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Stephen's Snaps
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Simply nice photos, Landscape, Seascape, Underwater, The Northern Beaches Sydney.

Updated regularly.

Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby.  Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.  When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.

Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely. When looked in the crib, he said ",What a beautiful baby." The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie.

Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, and, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he  see?"

"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision.

"That's great", said Little Johnnie, "coz he'd be fucked if he needed glasses

The kids filed back into class Monday morning.  They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath.

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes," echoed the  teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand.  I gave everybody who walked by a sample.  They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like shit!" Then I would say, "It is shit.
Wanna buy a toothbrush?"



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I'm easy to please as long as I get my way.

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Stephen's Snaps
http://photo.ebearweb.net/

Simply nice photos, Landscape, Seascape, Underwater, The Northern Beaches Sydney.

Updated regularly.

  Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it He decided to ask his shrink what to do. The shrink said, "Since Christmas is coming up, you should ask Johnny what he wants Santa to
 bring him. If he cusses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog poop in place of the gift or gifts he requests."
 
 Two days before Christmas, Johnny's father asked him what he wanted for Christmas. "I want a damn teddy-bear laying right beside me when I wake-up. When I go downstairs I want to see a damn train going around the damn tree. And when I go outside I want to see a damn bike leaning up against the damn garage."
 
 Christmas morning, Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a pile of dog poop.

Confused, he walked down stairs and saw another pile under the tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog poop by the garage.

When Johnny walked back inside with a curious look on his face, his dad smiled and asked, "What did Santa bring you this year? "

Johnny replied, "I think I got a dog but I can't find the son-of-a-bitch!"