A nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"

First a little girl says, "The sky is definitely blue."

The teacher says, "Sorry Amy, but the sky can be grey or orange depending on the weather."

Second a little boy says, "Trees are definitely green." "

Sorry, but in the autumn many trees are gold or brown," said the teacher.

Third a Little Johhny in the back of the class says, "Does a fart have lumps?"

The teacher looks horrified and says, "Johnny! That's disgusting. Of course not!!!"

"OK ... then I definitely have shit in my pants," said Johnny.



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" You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses. -Ziggy "

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Stephen's Snaps
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This week Gerbra & Rose photos.

Simply nice photos, Landscape, Seascape, Underwater, The Northern Beaches Sydney.

Little Johnny blows up his balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something. The boy continues.

"Johnny!" Mom screams. "Knock it off. You're going to break something."

He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center.

Johnny starts up with the balloon again. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet. Mom comes in and while putting away the groceries gets the urge. A diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and  SPLASH, out it comes.

When she's finished she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing. She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet!

She calls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine
everything.  When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing.

Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be And POP! The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc.

"Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?" she asks.

He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the First time I've ever actually SEEN a fart!"



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" Do you know why they call it �PMS�? Because �Mad Cow Disease� was taken. -Author Unknown, presumed deceased "

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Stephen's Snaps
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This week Gerbra & Rose photos.

Simply nice photos, Landscape, Seascape, Underwater, The Northern Beaches Sydney.

Johnny was downstairs playing with his trains, rolling them along on the floor. All of a sudden he stops the train and says: "Whoever wants to get on, get the hell on. Whoever wants to get off, get the hell off."

Then his mother walks in and yelled," Johnny, I thought I told you never to say those words." 

Johnny just kept  on playing with his trains and stopped them and said: "Whoever wants to get on, get the hell on. Whoever wants to get off, get the hell off." 

His mother opened the door and yelled: "Johnny, the next time you  say that  word you will have to go to your room for  an hour to think about what you  did wrong."

Johnny didn't really care about what she had to say, so he just kept playing with his trains. He stopped them, and said: "Whoever wants to get on, get the hell on.. Whoever wants to get off, get the hell off."

Just them Johnnys mom stormed into the room and screamed:, "Johnny, go to your room for an hour to think about it!!" 

An hour later,  Johnny walks down the stairs and goes to his mother, "I've learned my lesson, can I go play with my trains now??"

"Sure, just don't use those words..." she said. 

So Johnny starts playing with his trains and stops them and said, " Whoever wants to get on, get the hell on. Whoever wants to get off, get the hell off and whoever's pissed about the hour delay, talk to the bitch  in the kitchen."



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I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

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Stephen's Snaps
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This week Gerbra & Rose photos.

Simply nice photos, Landscape, Seascape, Underwater, The Northern Beaches Sydney.

Little Johnny's mother decided to tell him all about making babies, so she had "the talk" with him. Afterwards Little Johnny just sat there silently for awhile.

"Do you understand?" his mother asked.

"Yes," replied Little Johnny.

"Do you have any questions?" asked his Mother.

"Yes, how about little kittens and puppies?" asked Little Johnny.

"In exactly the same way as with babies", answered his Mom.

"Wow!" Little Johnny exclaimed. "My daddy will screw ANYTHING!"




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Sure you can trust the government! Just ask banana growers!

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Stephen's Snaps
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This week Bouganvillia photos.

Simply nice photos, Landscape, Seascape, Underwater, The Northern Beaches Sydney.

There is a teacher teaching sex ed to a bunch of 5th graders. She walks to the chalk board and raws a huge penis on the board!

She turns to the class and simply asked the class, "Class, does and one know what that is?"

The class sits silently for a second or two than little johnny stands from the back!

He yells, "I know what that is! It's a PENIS! I know cause my dad's got two!"

"The small one he pee's from, the big one he brushs the babysitters teeth with!"



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Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?

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Stephen's Snaps
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This week Bouganvillia photos.

Simply nice photos, Landscape, Seascape, Underwater, The Northern Beaches Sydney.

Updated regularly.

Little Johnny comes home from school and his mum asks how his day was. He replies, "I had sex with my teacher today."

"Oh my god! You get to  your room! Wait till your father comes home!!!", says his mum.

Awhile later the father comes home and the mum says, "Go up to Johnny's room and talk to him. He's been really bad today."

Dad goes up to the son's room and asks why mom is so mad.

"I told her I had sex with my teacher today," replied Johnny.

"Alright! That's my boy!", says Dad. "Ya know son, women just don't think like men. But I'm proud of you. What are you now, about thirteen, right? Wow. That's my son! Ya know what? I'm so proud of you I'm gonna take you out and buy you that new shiny bike you've been wanting!"

So the dad and Johnny go out and buy the nicest, reddest, shiniest bike in the whole town. "You gonna ride it home son?"  asks Dad.

Johnny replied, "Nah, my ass is still sore."


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Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

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Stephen's Snaps
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This week more Jacaranda photos.

Simply nice photos, Landscape, Seascape, Underwater, The Northern Beaches Sydney.

Updated regularly.

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"

Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."


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" Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. -Billy Crystal "

http://www.ebearweb.net


Stephen's Snaps
http://photo.ebearweb.net/

This week more Jacaranda photos.

Simply nice photos, Landscape, Seascape, Underwater, The Northern Beaches Sydney.

Updated regularly.